


Rosemary 101

by OrochiSlayer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Bulges and Nooks, F/F, Flighty Broads, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Sarcasm, Sarcasm - Freeform, Tags - Freeform, Tentabulges, Vampires, and then they fucked., btw Sarcasm, did i mention sarcasm, snarky horseshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:13:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6438625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrochiSlayer/pseuds/OrochiSlayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>because there's not enough Rosemary in the world and i'm a little shit.</p>
<p>first fic, so lemme know if it sucks or whatever</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rosemary 101

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [davkat 101](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6354844) by [hooded_figure](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hooded_figure/pseuds/hooded_figure). 



That girl never ceases to amaze you, and to confuse you; you being the character whose perspective is being viewed from, that is. She is so charming, so enigmatic, so breathtakingly beautiful and alien, and – above all else – the only person you know even more long-winded and verbose than yourself. You were in love from the moment you laid eyes on her, in love from the first conversation that was not complicated by weird time shit. You loved her when you finally met in person on this very meteor, only one year ago today, because everything always happens on an anniversary. And you will continue to love her as long as you live, because you are perfect for each other, and because you really are just that gay sometimes. Yet, despite being just like you in every conceivable way, she still remains a mystery to you.

You lose your train of thought as you near her respiteblock, which is good, because it means you can think about her for a while instead.

"Why Hello Rose, How Are You Doing This Evening? Fuck I Forgot I Dont Use Sentence Enhancers Which Is How We Trolls Refer To Punctuation" you ask.

"Oh! Good evening Kanaya. I am fine, although I cannot say I was expecting you, which is unusual as we spend so much of our time together." she replied. "And you are absolutely correct about remaining faithful to our respective typing quirks at all moments, even when conversing verbally, no matter how nigh-unreadable it tends to make the dialogue become." Your bloodpusher jumps at this; something about the way she just sort of sits there, not doing anything at the moment, makes your bloodpusher jump in your thoracic cavity. Gog, she is beautiful when she isn't overcome by grimdark grimdarkness, Gog definitely being the sort of thing you say. Although it's not like she wasn't rather fetching then, too. It's just that romantic relationships are quite difficult when one party is a babbling eldritch monster. You make your way across her respiteblock and sit down next to her on her horizontal sleepingplatform, and she smiles, and suddenly all you can think of is how nice it is that your combined speech patterns are so astonishingly wordy that even the narrative style becomes an exercise in dense prose. You smile back, flashing your teeth the way you know she finds irresistable, because you are a sexy gogdamn rainbow drinker. Sexy being subjective here, as there is clearly no possible way you two lesbians with nothing to do for the next two years and long-held fantasies about this exact type of scenario are ever going to have sex.

"Kanaya, I have been doing some thinking," Rose begins to explain to you, "and, given that we have been engaged in this matespritship for quite some time now, and have nothing else to do for the next three years, I would very much like to take the next step which will hopefully serve to enhance our relationship through physical and emotional intimacy as well as pass some of what passes for time in an infinite realm of emptiness outside of time and space such as what we are passing through at this very moment."

"Are You Saying That You Want To Pail" you clarify, and she nods back at you in response. You are completely blown away by this stunning revelation, your digestive sac is doing backwards jumping somersaults and your bloodpusher is pounding away in your breathcarrier because you are in no way prepared for this. If you understand this all correctly, which is always a gamble when Rose is involved, she wants to have sex with you. It is quite the large leap for both of you; the farthest you have ever gone so far has been half-naked sloppy makeouts in the middle of the common area. But, you consider, you suppose you should have expected this, given the way your relationship has been progressing over the past half sweep and the fact that you came over to her respiteblock to ask her the same thing. Really, both of you knew all along that this was going to happen inevitably, especially after Future Rose taunted Dave about it in one of Karkat's absurd schizophrenic memos. And really, you can't think of a better time than now.

So you move to embrace her, and with the stage set like this, it would certainly be a shame if the author were to suddenly remember that I have studying and projects that I should really be working on instead of writing fanfic parodies, and therefore take an eternity to write the next chapter, all while apologizing profusely to my several readers, even though most of them are probably in the same position and completely understand and tell me not to worry too much about it, which I will anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> i wasn't joking about being busy btw
> 
> and also <3 to everyone who writes rosemary stuff you guys are awesome


End file.
